I watched as his coffin was closed, and it was lowered into the ground. The roses that were lying on top of the coffin slid off and fell on the wet grass. Tears fell from my eyes and down my cheeks. I couldn't believe that the love of my life was really gone.
When I had first heard the news about the car accident, I didn't believe it. I was sure that someone was just playing a cruel joke on me. But when I got the call from the Allegheny General morgue to identify his body, I knew that it was true. I lost the most important person to me.
I had been in New York, setting up for my latest show. I hadn't seen Brian in a month, since both of us had been really busy with work. When the hospital called me, I thought that something was wrong with Molly or one of the guys. Little did I know, it was worse than I thought.
They asked me if I knew a Brian Kinney, and for a moment, I froze. Then, when I could breathe again, I told the woman that I did. I told her that I'm his partner, and she asked if I could come back to Pittsburgh to identify his body. The phone fell from my hand, and I fell to the floor.
Silent sobs wracked my body, tears sliding down my cheeks. Brian couldn't be dead. He wouldn't be. I was so sure that it was just a case of mistaken identity. But when I got to the hospital, and the nurse led me to the morgue, I saw his body and collapsed.
The next thing I remember, is calling Molly and Daphne when I regained consciousness. Apparently Daphne had called the others too, for all of them came running up to me. Lindsay, Gus, and JR, stood there crying. Melanie tried to comfort them, but it didn't work.
Daphne and Emmett hugged me tightly, and told me that everything would be okay. I didn't believe them, because I knew that nothing would ever be okay again. Molly tried to help calm me down, but I wouldn't let her. I ended up getting so upset, that Michael called one of the nurses, and they sedated me.
I had to be sedated three days in a row. When I was finally able to remain conscious without being hysterical, they finally quit sedating me. Three days after Brian's death, I went to Britin and spent the whole day and night there, taking everything in. I couldn't lie to myself any longer.
As I walked into the house, I knew it was true. Brian was dead. However, as I continued to walk around the whole house, I realized that his touch was everywhere. I could see Brian in everything in the house. He had apparently been living there the whole time, and tears flooded my eyes once more, at how much pain he must have been in while living there.
We were supposed to get married, and live in Britin together after I spent a few years in New York. But that never happened. Instead, I find out that the person I love more than life, has been taken from me, and all I want to do, is die too. But I can't, because I know Brian wouldn't want me to.
When I woke up that morning, I was dreading being there for the funeral. Do you know how hard it is, to watch as the most important person in your life, is put into the ground right in front of your eyes? I couldn't breathe, as they started to bury the coffin with the dirt.
I started to panic, and I knew that I couldn't stay there any longer. So I turned around, and started walking away. I heard Michael shout out after me, but I didn't know what he was saying, and I didn't care. I heard Daphne yell after me too, and then she caught up to me, and made me stop walking.
Daphne wrapped her arms around me, and hugged me tightly. I hugged her back, and I knew that she was worried about me. We walked around for a little while, and when I decided to return to Brian's grave, it was night. Daphne asked if I wanted her to come, and I couldn't speak, so I nodded.
We walked back to Brian's finished grave, and I traced the words on the headstone. Brian Aiden Kinney, 1971-2010. Loving son, brother, father, lover, friend. I started to cry again because Brian hadn't wanted the date of his birth or death, only the years. Daphne tried to pull me into another hug, but I wouldn't let her.
I traced the words again, and then whispered, "I love you, Brian. I miss you. Goodbye." Then Daphne and I slowly left the grave. I go to his grave every single day, and sit there for hours just talking. I can almost hear Brian calling me a twat, and telling me to stop crying, saying that he is okay now.
I miss him more and more each day that goes by, and I can't wait for the day when I will see him again. But until then, I just live in Britin, and continue to try and work on my art. It hasn't been the same since the day he died, and I know it never will be again.