The feel of the gun in my hand made me feel like I had all the power in the world. I had allowed Cody to pull me into his crazy world, where he pretty much wanted to kill all the straight people. As I had stood there looking at Chris, I finally understood.
I don't want to be like him. I'm not going to turn around and kill him, because he almost killed me. Chris and I are different like that. He felt that I should die because of the fact that I'm gay. Even though I'll never understand why, it still bugs me.
Did Chris really hate me so much, that he took a bat to my head? Or is it just like Brian always said, and Chris is stuck hiding in the closet, and he's jealous of the fact that I'm out and proud? It doesn't matter anyway. Chris isn't going to bother me anymore.
When I had lowered the gun, and then handed it back to Cody, he had started to throw a fit. Cody started ranting and raving about revenge and all kinds of other crazy shit. But I couldn't do it, and I still can't. I can't hurt someone and get pleasure out of it.
When we had left, I got rid of Cody, and went back to the loft. Brian was lying there on the couch, waiting for me. I walked into the loft, and headed straight for the bed. When my body hit the bed, I just lied there silently.
Which is where I am now. It's now two hours later, and Brian has just joined me in our bed. "What's up? Why aren't you out with the Pink Puppets?" His words bring me out of my thoughts, and I decide that it's best not to tell him.
"It's Pink Posse, not Pink Puppets, and I've decided not to hang out with Cody anymore." Brian slides into bed beside me, and he wraps an arm around my waist. "You know, whatever happened, you don't have to talk about it. Unless you want to."
I shake my head no. "I just want to try and forget about it." Brian nods, and then he says, "I don't know what happened, but I'm glad that you're okay. I'm also glad that you're getting Cody out of our lives. That guy was a psycho."
I snuggle closer to Brian and then say softly, "You have no idea." As we lie in bed together, I realize that I've learned something. I've learned to be even more careful about the people that I choose to hang around with.
I've learned that there are people who get off on hurting others. These thoughts scare me, so I just rest my head against Brian's chest. He tightens his arm around my waist, and I just know that everything is going to be okay now.
We lie here in bed silently for the rest of the night, comfortable with each other. The rest of the world is not here bothering us. It's just the two of us, for this one moment in time. I store this night in my memory. I want to remember it for the rest of my life.
As the numbers on the clock change, making it one in the morning, I feel Brian shift against me a little. Moments later, I know that he has fallen asleep. So I decide to go to sleep as well. I pull the duvet over my legs, covering myself. Then I too, go to sleep.