Vic

VIC 

After carefully checking the parking lot for HIS car, I finally decide to go on up and face LiAnn. I, of course, have NO idea what to say, how to start. But I'll figure something out. 

Assuming she doesn't shoot me on sight, that is. 

Tentatively, I knock at her door. I hear movement - then nothing. A looong period of silence. 

"LiAnn," I finally say, in an embarrassingly begging tone, "I need to talk to you... I need your help. I'm - 

Suddenly the door opens, and she stares at me in disbelief. "YOU need? You bastard. Mac was my brother and friend long before I became involved with you - and you've practically destroyed him. Why the FUCK should I listen to you, much less help you?" 

I stand there, mutely, not knowing how to answer. Possibly, if I take the right tack with her... I grab at the first idea that crosses my mind. "Because it'll help him. I know I screwed up. Look, I just need one chance. One more chance, to make this work. I-" 

She sighs heavily and says coldly as she opens the door, "Come on in. We don't need to have this conversation in the hallway." 

I come inside, and as LiAnn closes the door she says, "Now tell me why I should help you, after you broke his heart." She raises her brows at me. "TWICE, no less." 

I lick my lips. "I fucked up. Okay? I did." 

"Yeah, and boy, you didn't do it by halves, did you? I couldn't believe my eyes last night, seeing you with that blond bimbo." She's shaking her head in disgust. 

Lamely, I say, "What can I do? How do I fix this?" 

"Fix?" she repeats, with an incredulous look. "You broke his heart, Victor. You can't 'fix' it just like that. You broke his trust, as well." She gives me an accusing glare and then moves to sit down on the couch, sighing heavily. 

I sit down gingerly, not close to her. "I know. But there's gotta be something that I can-" 

She shakes her head and gives me a glance that seems to peer right into me, past all my words and right into my skull. A knowing glance. "The only way you'll ever know if there's any possibility that he'll have you back is if you ask him. But I can promise you, Vic, if you don't ask nicely, he'll probably say no." 

Damn. The woman never did cut me any slack, not, I admit to myself, that I deserve it this time. Still... I HAVE to try - I need her help and her advice. After all, she knows Mac better than anyone else on the planet. "LiAnn, just tell me that I have a chance. Please?" 

I think her eyes soften - although the room is dimly lit so I could be mistaken. Seeing what I so desperately need to see. 

"Vic, I CAN'T tell you that - only Mac knows how he feels about it. You've hurt him - time and again. I know he loves you, despite the way you've treated him, but that may not be enough this time. You'll just have to go to him and ask." 

Dejectedly, I rise and head for the door. "Well, thanks for listening, LiAnn. I'll, uh, go see him now. Before I lose my nerve." 

"Okay, Vic." YES! I detect definite softening in her tone. "Call me after - whichever way it goes." 

After promising to do just that, I give her a hug and leave. 

On to Mac's - on to find out if I have even the slightest chance of fixing this... 

MAC 

I'm idly channel flipping, cold beer in one hand, remote control in the other, when the knock on the door distracts me. Thank god. Infomercials are not my idea of entertainment. I yawn, drag myself to the door and open it. 

Vic is standing there. I sigh and close the door, returning to the couch. He opens it again and follows me inside, closes it behind him. I pick up the remote and the beer once more. I flick a glance at him. He looks subdued. Hell, he looks worried. "Have a beer, Vic. Sit down," I offer, flippantly. "Maybe afterwards we could- well, you know, fuck." 

He looks away, standing there, still making no move to come sit down. 

"Last night was unforgivable of me," he says, in a low voice. 

I swing my head in his direction and regard him. "Well, I don't know if it was unfor-" I pause, scrutinizing the ceiling for a moment and then nod. "No, you're right. It was. Unforgivable." I turn back to the TV and take a large swig from my beer. 

"I'm sorry, Mac. It was a shitty thing to do." 

"Yep. Shitty." I nod in agreement, still watching the screen. Damn. I flip the channel. Hey, is that a cobra? Yeah. Being eaten by a Komodo dragon. Cool. 

"I just... want to apologize. I've been an asshole. I've managed to fuck this up twice now. I just want to know if you'll give me one last chance to make this work... You know, third time lucky." 

Jesus, that Komodo dragon makes catching and fighting snakes look like a piece of cake. Too bad the sound is muted - I can't tell what the narrator is saying. 

Vic's breath hitches and he continues, "I wasn't handling it well; you were right. I don't think I was ready for - for a mature relationship with you. And I'm sorry." 

Fuck! I know my mouth is open slightly but JESUS that lizard is huge, and it swallows the snake in a few gulps. I always thought cobras' reputations were a little oversized. 

After a few moments of silence, Vic clears his throat and continues, "I love you. I do. I can't believe I screwed this up so badly. Mac, please give me one more chance? Please?" 

That cobra is GONE. Tail and all. Wow. I can't believe the amazing things that they show on nature documentaries. For a brief second or two, I wince with the wish that I could have pursued something like that, with all the excitement of my current profession but without the need for human contact. National Geographic, sign me up. I'll wrestle bears, wolves, tigers, Komodo dragons... anything. That's me: the Steve Irwin of Hong Kong. Cobra man. 

Vic's voice sounds hollow, and hoarse. "Okay. I'll, um, I'll go. But think about it, please, Mac? I'll - I-" he stops, his voice trailing off. He sniffs and turns to go. 

Hm. Something suspicious about that sniff. "Vic?" I ask. 

He turns back to me, slowly. Hey, are those real tears? Actual pain in his green eyes? Hell, maybe he thinks he means it this time. 

My firm decision to ignore him - get on with my life - momentarily wavers. Dammit! Why now? I'm still too ... too fragile for this shit. 

I want this, want HIM - but... am I really willing to give him yet another go at me? He'll do it again, I just know he will. Say he loves me, make love to me - well, he'll fuck me, anyway - and continue to treat me as his own little slut... 'Good old Mac, just what I need... when I'm horny.' 

Yeah, that's what he'll do - and he'll ACT like we're friends. Humor me, for a while - until he gets comfortable, convinces himself that I'm happy with our arrangement - then we'll be right back here again. 

He opens his mouth to say god knows what, but I cut him off. "I really think that it's over this time. The friendship, the sex, the trust in each other as partners." I pause, frowning heavily in thought. "Vic," I finally say, "I know that you believe you mean what you say. And, I even believe that you're willing to try - but, hell, let's face it, you don't really love me. The same thing will happen again. You'll withdraw, I'll be hurt and confused - and you won't understand why. Worst of all, our friendship is just about dead in the water." I pause, swallowing heavily, gathering my courage. "I really think that transfer is the best option right now - for both of us." 

Vic opens and closes his mouth. Then bites his lower lip. "Mac, I do love you. I do! I'm sorry. Please, give me one last chance. I'm begging you." His eyes are bright and glimmering now. 

I sigh and close my eyes, leaning my head back. 

"I won't withdraw," he promises. "I won't hurt you. Not again. I swear. Please, Mac, one more chance?" 

He looks so forlorn, standing there. Dammit, I can still feel myself wavering inside. 

"No. NO! Vic, I'm not going to do this with you again. No." Fuck. FUCK! Where the hell is that firm conviction I had in my voice only moments ago? 

Vic draws a breath. He swallows. "Mac," he tries again, the desperate entreaty in his voice is obvious. "Please, just one more chance." 

Okay. This is getting tiresome. 

"Mac, I want to be your friend. I do. I won't hurt you again. Please!" One tear slides down his cheek. 

"You want to be my friend?" I repeat, mulling over the implications of that. "And the other? Do you want to be my lover, too? 

VIC 

Jesus. This is too embarrassing for words. I'm CRYING! Over Mac. 

Is he - are WE - really worth this? 

Yeah. We are. 

"I want it all, Mac. I want us to be friends, partners... lovers." I pause to grab a Kleenex, wipe my eyes, and look at him. "Mac... you mean so much to me - and that confuses and scares me. I LOVE you. I really, truly don't think I'll survive it if you leave me." 

His eyes widen. 

"Don't get me wrong - I'm not suicidal. I just don't think I can be... myself without you - knowing that you've left me because of my own stupid, fucking behavior. I need you, Mac. Need you in my life. If friendship is all you can handle now - if you want to try to start over at the beginning and do this slowly - I can do that. Just don't leave me, Mac. Please." 

He sighs and shrugs a little. "That's - wow. That's a great speech, Vic. But... how am I supposed to trust you now?" 

I feel like time is slowing down, and I'm in limbo. How can I prove to him that I'm sincere? I'm so fucking embarrassed. And I know he's right. I take another breath, hating the shuddery way it sounds. "You have my word, Mac. If that isn't good enough, and I really have screwed it up so badly that you won't - that you can't trust me now, then I guess all I can say is-" I hesitate. Oh fuck it. "Forgive me." I look back up to meet his eyes. 

I can see him deliberating on my words. I go over and kneel before him, on the floor. "I'm sorry. I truly am," I whisper, not taking my eyes from his, willing him to believe me, to forgive me. I want to reach out a hand to touch his knee but I resist the impulse. I get the feeling that a physical move just now might be taken the wrong way. "Please." 

Mac lets out his breath in a long exhalation, like he's had it pent up for the duration of my plea. In a low voice, he asks, "If you couldn't do it before, how do you propose to do it now? Be my friend as well as my lover, I mean?" 

I lick my lips, but my mouth is so dry. I think I might be on the edge here, teetering. "By dropping the games. I'll stop pretending that it's something other than it is." 

His eyebrows go up. "Vic," he asks carefully, "just what exactly IS it?" 

"Love. I love you. I want you, need you and I swear - I SWEAR I'm committed to you." 

"Oh. Right. Okay, so - let me see if I'm getting this right: you'll do anything to prove it?" 

I knew it. Here come those hoops I had mentioned to Di, earlier today. But I'm getting the feeling I just might have a chance, after all. "Yes," I say simply, not taking my eyes from him. No more evasion here, no sirree. 

He gives me a sad look, a strange kind of sorrow - a cross between pity and resignation. "You can start by explaining to me the difference between being my lover and being my friend." 

"There isn't any difference for me anymore. I love you, however you'll have me. Lover, friend, anything you want." The words are out before I've had a chance to think about it. Fuck. I just hope I said the right thing. 

But the expression on his face changes, and it looks like maybe I did. 

"Tell ya what, Vic; let's just sit here, watch the tube and have a drink." 

Hot damn! He's inviting - INVITING - me to spend the evening with him. I glance at the TV and see that he has the Animal Planet channel on - not one of my favorites, but I have plenty to fill my mind right now. Besides, I'd sit through just about anything if it gained me a chance to be with Mac. 

We sit in awkward silence, and watch some dog show. At first, I concentrate on not moving closer - not crowding him - but after some time has passed, I find that he's moved closer to ME. Not only that, his arm somehow finds its way to my shoulders. 

It's good. Better than good. Oh, I know we have a long row to hoe. This is a good beginning, though. Gradually, I relax - slowly leaning ever closer until my head rests on his shoulder. My eyelids grow heavy and I sigh happily before falling asleep. 

MAC 

My eyes open sluggishly to find that it's gone quite dark. The only light comes from the lamp in the corner of the room and the flickering of the television. I check my watch. It's well after midnight. Vic is slumped against me, breathing evenly. I nudge his shoulder gently. "Hey, there. We should get to bed, don't you think?" 

He mumbles something and tries to burrow in closer to me. "Vic," I say, louder. 

He sits up, blinking. "Yeah." Turning his head, Vic looks at me groggily. "What?" 

I grab up the remote control and switch off the TV. "Bed. Now. Sleep." 

He yawns and wearily climbs to his feet. 

I get up and start to make my way over to turn off the lamp. I turn back to say that I don't mind if he wants to stay over, but he's already gone into the bedroom. Hm. Interesting. How very - cosy. He's NEVER done this before. 

I go in after him, to find that he's peeled off his clothing and is in the process of climbing into the bed. My bed. Naked. 

I stand at the doorway and hold up a finger, wagging it slightly. "You know, there's something about this that I can't quite put my finger on. Now, Vic, I don't want to look a gift horse in the mouth but are you SURE that you actually want to stay here tonight? I mean, it isn't a requirement of mine, or anything." 

He mumbles, "God's sake, Mac, just get in bed." He sighs deeply but it doesn't sound petulant at all. Just tired. "'Sides, 'm too tired to drive." 

I shrug. Fine. Taking off my clothes, I switch off the bedroom light and crawl under the covers. He's resting his head against his folded arm, but with his other hand he reaches out to touch my shoulder. Quietly, he says, "I do want to be here, Mac. Okay? It isn't like - what you were thinking. That I feel obliged to - you know..." 

Silently, I pull him closer, enfolding him in my arms. "I know, Vic." I say simply. "C'mon - let's just sleep. We're both exhausted. Been a rough couple of days." 

He settles against me with a contented sigh. 

And, is that what I think it is? 

Yes, yes it is. He's pressing an impressive erection against my hip. 

VIC 

Oh man. 

Oh SHIT! 

Laying next to him - practically wrapped around him - I feel my cock hardening. And, there is NO way he can miss it - not with the way I'm pressed so closely against him. 

Trying to move subtly - as if I'm just finding the most comfortable position in his bed, I move my groin away from his body. 

"No," a strong hand grips my hip. "Stay here," he says huskily. 

I swallow, hard. "Mac," I whisper. "I'm not - we don't have to - it's just because-" 

In the darkness, a warm pair of lips are abruptly fastened onto mine, shutting me up very effectively. I can't help the moan of relief that I make as he slides the tip of his tongue over my lips and then between them. 

Mac's hands move over my skin, and he pulls back to say, "Vic, try to understand something here - I wasn't trying to cut you off. I just can't think when we're together like this." 

"Yeah, I know what you mean," I mutter, feeling the pulse of stirring excitement throbbing through my bloodstream. 

"Want you, Vic," he says, the quiet desire in his voice sending a wickedly familiar flame dancing over my skin. 

I can feel his heart beating; he's so close against me, here in my arms. 

"I don't want us to just fuck, Mac. But I do want to make love with you. Maybe I can start to make it up to you a little." Careful. Dangerous ground, there. What am I thinking? But I know I have to start telling him what's going through my mind or else I won't be holding up my end of our earlier agreement - to be his friend as well as his lover. 

"I want-" he says huskily, then clears his throat. "I want you, Vic. Always. That's kind of scary, y'know? I've always been able to keep a certain amount of distance from my lovers... can't seem to do that with you. You just - I just... I lose myself in you." Burying his face in my shoulder, he continues in a low tone. "I love you, Vic - and I need you. Tell me again, Victor - tell me you love me, too. I want to hear you say it." 

I can feel a fine tremble run through his body as he asks this of me. "I do Mac - I love you and need you. I - hell, hurting you the way I did was unforgivable - but know this, I hurt myself just as much." 

He rolls to lie atop me and meets my eyes. "Just, please, Vic, be sure." 

"I am. I really am - so sure that we can make it this time..." 

He groans and lowers his head, bringing our lips into heated contact. 

It feels like coming home at last. Skin upon skin, his body on mine, his mouth and his warmth. "I missed you so much," I say, reverently, in between snatched breaths and his kisses. 

I roll him again, so that he's under me once more. Looking down into his dark eyes, I can barely make out his expression but I'm grinning now. I can't help it anymore than I can help the aching stiffness of my cock as it rests against his. "I'm gonna make love to you, Mac." 

"It did cross my mind that I might have to start begging," he jokes, but I can tell that he's still feeling vulnerable about accepting me back a third time. 

I trap his mouth beneath mine, holding him prisoner under me, holding onto his wrists and forcing his arms down by his sides. I draw up a little to say, "You don't have to beg." 

His answer is to buck upwards slightly, grinding himself against me and making me suck in a breath. 

MAC 

Oh, I LIKE that reaction. Almost as much as hearing him say - so very softly - that I don't have to beg. I reach up to kiss him again, trying to tell him without words - convince him through my desperate hold on him, how very much his words mean to me. 

I know it hasn't been all that long since we were together this way. Really, I do - but, DAMN, it seems like forever. The heat of his silky skin, his open enjoyment of my touch... I can't wait. I HAVE to come - soon. 

A quick twist and he's under me. I stare into his eyes - trying to tell him silently what I need tonight. He seems to understand my urgency and nods, lifting his hips to grind our erections together. 

The heat, and the delicious sensation of Vic against me, oh GOD - it's too sweet, and I can already feel the bubbling pleasure sweeping over me, inside me, wanting to burst out. 

He's gasping under me, and I'm sliding against him, feeling him move against me with equal abandon and intent. He wants this too. 

"Oh, god, yes," I groan, and then return to feast on his mouth. Victor's mouth is so beautiful; his lips were made for kissing. I've always felt honored to kiss him - of course, I'd NEVER tell him that. Wouldn't do for his ego to have THAT much stroking. 

With our mouths sealed together - and our crotches too - our legs entangled as I'm rubbing myself against him, I can feel him shaking. He isn't going to last long. 

Neither am I, for that matter. 

"Mac," he gasps. "More. Harder." His hands grip my asscheeks, encouraging me onwards. 

"Jesus, Vic! I can't... shit, I can't wait. Come with me. Let me feel it - GOD!" I groan as I feel that rush of impending orgasm. "Vi-ic," I moan. "Can't," <gasp> "GOD! Can't hold it - can't wait... OH SHIT!" 

I'm shuddering and shaking as I jerk against him, feeling my climax spilling out between us onto our skin, covering Vic's lower belly - and his cock - with my seed. This seems to set him off, and with a strangled yell he comes right after I do. Oh fuck, Vic - you're so fucking beautiful like this. 

As I feel his spasms, that hot come shooting against me, I'll be damned if I don't actually have another orgasm. 

In fact, I think I may have seen the face of god. 

Gradually my heartbeat slows, as my breathing calms. I know my weight on him is hindering his own recovery, so I make a move to slide reluctantly to one side. "NO!" He insists, arms tightening around me and holding me in place. "Don't leave," he says huskily. "Feels good. 'S where you belong - where WE belong." 

We can DO this now. Have a relationship. Love each other, be friends, be partners. I really believe him this time. 

I have no other choice. Losing him again would be my third strike. No more chances after that... so, I'll watch him more closely - stay alert for those signs: withdrawal, that frightening silence, needing to distance himself from me - from us. I have to make him believe me - I need him and love him on all levels - as my friend, my partner and my lover. 

Oh, I know he believes that he believes me, but Vic's been burned too many times in the past. At least now I know, when he feels too threatened by his own emotions for me, he'll run. 

When that happens though, I'll be there to catch him. 

End